Forever it has always been the same assumption; men are sexually agitated, testosterone fueled maniacs when it comes to any kind of sexual activity. They go in all guns blazing, overly excited and full of lust only to triumph 4 minutes later and fall into the world of zss, leaving us extremely awake, lonely and somewhat bored.
But has this hegemonic view been injected into our brains a few too many times? The stereotypical man has constantly been portrayed in either film or books etc., as constantly encouraging the woman to get naked, when really the tables may have turned.
With femininity increasing and encouraging women to be who they want to be on their own terms, influencing inner-power, I’m wondering whether the sexually frustrated male has been radically developed into the forward-thinking woman, pursuing sexual activity whenever she deems ready for it.
It’s not as if novels such as Fifty Shades of Grey have suddenly delved deep into a woman’s unconscious and produced an entirely new human being, but more acknowledging the fact that women do have an inner erotica waiting to escape, just like the male species but don’t want to be socially punished for feeling this way.
After researching a little on the internet for some lonely soul to back up my opinion, I actually found way more people having discussions about women pursuing sex than I thought. According to experts on webmd.com it’s not that men have more of a sexual drive but just that it is simply easier to turn them on than it is to source a women’s libido. Well we all knew that for a start, it’s the romantic build up that women love; the passion, the torment, the closeness to a man that fuels our fire.
Daniel Bergner’s book ‘What Do Women Want?: Adventures in the Science of Female Desire’ relates women to female animals where they have thought to be on the hunt for a partner or a mate to produce offspring and therefore we have ignored how they reached actual sex – which for any woman, as I said before is the most important and often most pleasurable part. While men pursue sex as a pleasurable act (not trying to solely produce children) it follows from there that ‘women — at least good women — must be pursued and coaxed into sex, and men enjoy the thrill of the chase’ says Bergner.
It is the ultimate stereotype that men find it extremely hard to say no to a woman, therefore presenting themselves as the sex obsessed gender. It’s not about women having higher standards than men (well that could possibly be one factor) but that we are way more afraid of rejection so are able to control our desire. For a man to approach a woman could be taking his confidence to a whole new level, but he doesn’t let it show. If rejected he will simply move onto the next, but for a woman to approach a man, every element of shyness, insecurity and lack of confidence will be portrayed if she makes one wrong mistake, in turn decreasing her libido.
But does the element of rejection still seem significant when in a relationship where there is the crucial aspect of power between you both? The question of who gets the fundamental role of being ‘on top’ tonight often initiates which one of us is allowed to be in control for those few minutes. The power a woman has to make a guy do most likely anything and for it not to be seen as controlling is revolutionary, as reverse the situation and you have an aggressively controlling male.
Seeing a woman as passive in the age of feminism is somewhat arguable but if we really think about it, women want sex with someone who wants them. To see our partner’s desire for us is what makes a woman tick and that’s what men try to grasp the most; that one little thing that could change your entire experience, boosting their self-esteem and leaving them extremely pleased with their little guy.
So what does this situation pose for a single woman? Out there running around the streets desperate to satisfy her horny self but not wanting to be the one to pursue it. There’s nothing more attractive than being told you can’t have something. Women are determined and men love a challenge as Bergner says. However, women that come across as sexually aggressive, could abort the idea of encouraging the man all together, which poses a slight problem for our single pringles.
We are still very much involved in a society where men are the ones to ask for the dates, to pick the woman up and to pay for dinner, (which is perfectly fine if you ask me) but if a woman was to ask a man out instead, I can’t help but think she would be perceived negatively, almost desperate and alienate her poor potential lover.
Passiveness is always seen to be a bad trait. Someone who never takes control and just takes everything as it comes (literally). But I think closeness, is what we crave. Sometimes in that moment of intimacy there is no other way to be any closer to that person other than to have sex. It might not necessarily be the feeling of sex that you desire, but the attraction and connection to that person that cannot necessarily be achieved in any other way.
Unfortunately women being seen as the powerful, sexually assertive person in control is too easily labelled as ‘slutty behaviour’ and I cannot see this changing any time soon. We can be riddled with confidence and get shot down for being an aggressive sex pest or be too passive and criticised for letting men walk all over us.
It’s not wrong for us to initiate sex, crave lust and exert some control and to be respected at the same time but that is something men do not have to worry about. They practice all of the above and simply gain ‘lad points’ and a pat on the back for sleeping with 4 girls in a row with no protection. Make of that what you will ladies but we all know its true…